The Power of Perspective

Have you ever wondered how two people can experience the same event so differently? In today's episode, we'll explore how your view of the world shapes not just what you see, but how you live. From the wisdom of stoicism to the insights of cognitive behavioral therapy. Join me in unraveling how changing your perspective can be the key to a flourishing life. Welcome to Live Well and Flourish, where I help you understand what it means to live a flourishing life. I'm your host, craig Van Slyke. If you're ready to think beyond material and external success, if you're ready to take control of who you are and the kind of life you live, if you're ready to flourish, this is the podcast for you. A couple of weeks ago, I watched a thrilling professional football game, american football that is. The Philadelphia Eagles were playing the Buffalo Bills. The Eagles overcame a 10-point deficit to tie the game with a 59-yard field goal in the closing seconds. They went on to win in overtime by a score of 37-34. And it was a great game from start to finish. Here's a question for you Was this an outcome that led to ecstatic cheers of celebration or anguished cries of woe? Well, that depends on who you ask. Ask an Eagles fan. And it was an epic victory for the ages. For Bills fans, it was yet another disappointment in what started out to be a season full of promise. Both sets of fans watched the same game. They were in the same reality, but the effect of that reality was very different. Why? Well, they had different perspectives. Reality is like that. Philosophers can argue about whether reality is real or subjective, but I think it's safe to say that the way we experience reality is absolutely subjective. That's why one of my life maxims is change your perspective and you change your world. This isn't just true of sports. The relationship between perspective and how we experience reality permeates every aspect of life. For one person, holiday music brings smiles and for another it brings tears. For one person, talk of family brings fond memories, for another, it surfaces childhood trauma. The importance of perspective is critical to many philosophical and psychological schools of thought, including Stoicism's emphasis on perception, buddhism's focus on subjective experience, existentialism and the importance of personal narrative and the psychological principles behind cognitive behavioral therapy and positive psychology. But here's the thing If you can learn to shift your perspective, to change the lens through which you view the world, you'll gain tremendous power over how you experience life. You'll begin to experience reality in a more profound, more complete way. So how can you take control of your perspective and, by extension, your reality? Well, that's what we're going to talk about today. There are three main insights I want you to get from this episode. First, and this is the big takeaway, your perspective shapes your reality. It colors every experience you have. Second, you have the power to control your perspective and to see things through multiple perspectives. And third, learning to control your perspective will help you flourish, leading you to live life more deeply and fully. As my little football story illustrates, the way we experience reality is subjective. No two people experience life in exactly the same way. Yeah, philosophers like to argue about whether reality is objective or subjective, as I mentioned, but I'm not sure I care much about that. I'm a practical guy and the practical point is how we experience life's events definitely is subjective. Just like the world looks different when you're wearing sunglasses, your perspective colors everything about how you experience life. What shapes your perspective? Well, lots of things. Here's a partial list your parents, your culture, your family, your personal experiences, what you read, what you listen to, who you interact with, what you believe, where you live and have lived, your education and the list is almost endless. All of these things, and many more, combine to create the lens through which you view life. Your reality is your reality and mine is mine. But and this is a big but, yeah, I heard that, as I said it, you're not trapped in your perspective. You do have the power to see life through different lenses and even to pick the lens that best serves you in a given situation. Yeah, I think perspective shifting is one of those flourishing superpowers. Well, how does perspective work? When I talk to my doctoral students about the importance of perspective, I ask them to visualize a Rubik's Cube. If I look at it from one face, it's a blue square, but if I rotate it to show a different side, it's a green square. Rotate it a little differently and it's a multicolored cube. Rotate the cube and it becomes a diamond. If I position four people around the cube, they see the cube as different colored squares. It's all the same physical object, but by changing the perspective, we change what we see it, as your mental perspective works the same way. By changing your perspective, you change your view of the world. Your perspective affects your flourishing in several ways. As the Stoics teach, it's not events that upset us. It's our opinion of events. Let that settle in for a second. Pick something that recently upset you. Was it really the event that upset you, or how you viewed the event? Let's consider a pretty big example losing a job. Yeah, losing a job is challenging, there's no doubt, but your perspective on job loss can dramatically alter how you experience it. Do you see it as a failure, one that's an indication of your worth as a person, or do you see it as an opportunity for growth and a new beginning? I'll give you a rather embarrassing personal example. A long time ago and I mean a long time ago I was not very disciplined about money. I missed a car payment one month and just kept on making monthly payments, not really thinking about the fact that I needed to catch back up Over time. I kind of forgot that fact and I was consistently a month late. The bank did not forget. One night I came home to a repossession notice and initially I was shocked, anxious and more than a little embarrassed. Fortunately, with the help of my lawyer uncle, who contacted the bank on my behalf, I was able to get back in their good graces. This was embarrassing and upsetting for me from the perspective of my personal pride. But when I zoom out a bit, take a different perspective, I realize that this experience was the kick in the rear I needed to get my financial house in order. You've probably had similar and hopefully less traumatic experiences. When someone you respect criticizes you, do you view it as a reason to feel bad about yourself or do you use the criticism as a trigger for reflection and improvement? If you don't respect the person, do you see the criticism as a personal affront and get angry, or do you consider the source and view it as just noise to be shrugged off and ignored? Is getting stuck in traffic a frustrating interruption to your busy day or a chance to listen to your favorite podcast? Yes, hint, hint. How you view events, whether every day or dramatic, profoundly affects your well-being and your overall journey to flourishing. Well, I could go on, but hopefully I've made my point. How you view events affects your flourishing. Then the question becomes how can you control your perspective? Well, realization is half the battle. It takes some practice, but you really want to develop the ability to recognize when your perspective is getting in the way of your flourishing. The best way to do that is to build a habit of reflecting on how your view of the day's events influenced, how those events affected you. Check out livewellandflourishcom, slash 25, for more on reflection. Now let's focus on ways to shift your perspective. There are four practices that can help you shift your perspective. At least, that's my perspective. The first is what I call turning the cube, which I already described. One way to learn how to turn your cube is to think about what is affecting your perspective. For example, is there something about your family or some experience or your upbringing that's affecting your perspective? There probably is. Ask yourself some what-if questions. What if my family influences were different? What if I practiced a different religion? What if I grew up in a different part of the world? How would that change how I view this event? My second practice is called another person's eyes. Of course, this is not unique to me. Walk a mile or kilometer in their shoes has been solid advice for a long time. When I want to broaden my perspective, I try to think of a specific other person. For example, if I want to better understand a conflict, I try to see the events through the eyes of the individuals on each side of the conflict. The same approach works with issues. Consider the economy. I see economic developments through the eyes of a baby boomer who owns a nice house. If I want to understand why Gen Z might see things differently, I try to view the economy through the eyes of someone facing high housing prices and rising interest rates, with heavy student debt load. Hunting might seem evil to a wealthy city dweller, but might be seen as a necessity to a poor rural person. Different perspectives, different realities. Even if you don't change your opinion of a situation or event, being able to see the world through different eyes will make you a better, more understanding person. The next practice comes courtesy of the Stoics. It's called the view from above or the bird's eye view. I call it zooming out. The basic idea is that when you're trying to understand a situation, it's best to take a bird's eye view and to try to see everything at once and as a whole, rather than just viewing one element at a time. Consider the example of losing a job. Sure, that can be traumatic and rife with difficulties, but that's only part of the picture. It's also a chance to make changes for the better and to practice, improve and demonstrate your resilience. When you zoom out, you can see beyond the difficulties to discover the many possibilities that your new freedom brings. I want to take this a step further and suggest a combination of zooming out and zooming in Zoom out to see the whole, but when you see something interesting, zoom in to see the details. This is actually a thing it's called the hermeneutic circle. This zoom out, zoom in approach can help you take the perspective that's the most useful in the moment. Master this and you'll be able to adapt your responses to better deal with life's challenges and opportunities with wisdom and agility. Here's my final perspective shifting practice, fast forwarding. We've all wished that life had a rewind button, but from the perspective of perspective shifting yeah, I heard that fast forwarding is more useful. Most of the things that upset us are transitory, to the point of almost being trivial. Everything is impermanent, but some things, most things really are so impermanent that they may as well not exist in the long run. To quote John Popper of Blue's Traveler, it won't mean a thing in a hundred years. Most things that upset you won't mean a thing in a hundred hours, much less a hundred years. So you missed that Black Friday sale, so your team lost, so someone cut you off in traffic. Think about how these sorts of things will affect your future self. In most cases, the answer is not at all. Some things will matter, though. When this is the case, shift your perspective to your future self and consider what reaction would be best for future. You Think this way, and you've shifted your perspective from the past to the future, which is critical to your flourishing. The future perspective will help you focus on reactions that are more thoughtful and more constructive. Did something bother you today? Fast forward a few months, maybe even a few days, and you may find that you're getting upset over something that really won't matter in the long run. I think I'm starting to go a little long, so I'm going to just recommend one thing to try this week Each day, when you sense yourself reacting to some trivial event, ask yourself how your perspective is controlling your reaction. Then try to see the event through a different lens, using one of the practices I just outlined. Do this every day, and you'll be well on your way to gaining control over your perspective and to living the flourishing life you deserve. Before getting to the closing quote, I want to ask you to sign up for my email list, if you haven't already done so. In a couple of weeks, I'm planning to announce something that I think you might find interesting and useful. To sign up, just go to livewellandflourishcom, and I promise not to share your information or to spam you. I'm going to close with the words of William Shakespeare to isn't ourselves that we are thus or thus. Remember you are not captive to your perspectives. You control how you view the world. Seize that control and flourish. Until next time. Be well, my friends. I produce livewell and flourish because of my dedication to helping others live excellent lives. I don't accept sponsorships and I don't want your money. The only thing I want is to help you and others flourish. If you've received some value from this episode, please share it with someone that might also benefit from listening. The best way to do that is to direct them to livewellandflourishcom. Until next time.