Purpose as Your North Star: Making Better Decisions (Axioms for Flourishing #4)

Welcome to Live well and Flourish, where I help you understand what it means to live a flourishing life.

I'm your host, Craig Van Slyke.

If you're ready to think beyond material and external success, if you're ready to take control of who you are and the kind of life you live, if you're ready to flourish, this is the podcast for you.

If you don't know where you're going, you'll never get there.

Although I haven't been able to track down the origin of this saying definitively, it perfectly illustrates the importance of having a clear sense of purpose in your life.

Without it, you're kind of like Alice when she asks the Cheshire Cat, would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?

That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, said the cat.

I don't much care where, said Alice.

Then it doesn't matter which way you go, said the cat.

By the way, you're welcome for not trying to do voices there.

Without a purpose, your life just kind of drifts along like a rudderless boat pushed by winds and tides.

That is no way to live.

To live an excellent flourishing life, you need a clear, steady North Star.

A purpose that grounds your choices big and small and guides you through challenges towards a meaningful, fulfilling life that leads to axiom number four.

Purpose is your North Star.

I first started thinking about the importance of having a purpose when someone introduced me to Simon Sinek's Start with why.

Although he was focused on organizational leadership, the idea of purpose, your why, driving all aspects of your life, was immensely appealing.

Sinek argues that great leaders don't start with what they do or how they do things.

They start with why they exist.

They start with their purpose.

Everything flows from the purpose.

Decisions, directions, actions, all of it supports the why.

I realize the same is true for individual lives.

People with a strong sense of purpose, a strong why to guide their choices, are more fulfilled and more resilient.

They make better decisions and live more cohesively and, yes, purposefully.

Purpose, it turns out, isn't just for organizations.

It's the guiding North Star.

We all need to live meaningful, flourishing lives.

Although this way of thinking was new to me, it's been around a very long time.

In fact, Aristotle's view of excellence called eudaimonia, is framed around living a life of purpose and virtue.

Ancient Greek philosophers refer to your telos, your ultimate aim, purpose, or final goal.

It's the reason for your existence and the end towards which a human should ultimately strive.

It sounds strange, but your Purpose, once understood, defines who you are.

Yeah, I know that sounds pretty lofty, but in my mind it is absolutely true and fundamental to living a flourishing life.

The Stoics took this a step further.

They believed that living according to your nature, guided by virtue and reason, was the only reliable way to navigate life's uncertainties in a way that allows you to flourish.

External circumstances always change.

Your purpose provides a stable guiding light to help you navigate life's uncertainties.

Buddhists teach the importance of right intention.

This isn't about having the perfect life plan, but about cultivating intentionality in how you move through the world.

Purpose here is less about achievement and more about awareness.

Living with conscious Direction rather than Unconscious Drift Modern psychology agrees with the importance of purpose.

Viktor Frankl, a Nazi concentration camp survivor, observed that prisoners with a sense of purpose, a reason to live, were more likely to survive than those who lost their why.

Frankl famously quotes he who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.

There's a fair amount of empirical evidence supporting the psychological and physical benefits of having a sense of purpose.

For example, a sense of purpose improves resilience, life satisfaction, and well being and increases positive emotions and reduces negative emotions.

People with a strong sense of purpose are also better equipped to deal with the psychological and physical effects of stress.

There's even some evidence that people with a sense of purpose live longer, although this is probably due to purpose's positive effects on health behaviors.

So we have the ancient Greeks, Roman Stoics, Buddhists, and modern psychologists all agreeing.

Aristotle tells us that purpose is the organizing principle for an excellent life.

Stoics emphasize that purpose is what remains constant when external circumstances change.

Buddhism ties purpose to intentional and conscious living, and psychology validates the measurable benefits of a purposeful life.

Your purpose is the foundation for your life.

I'm going to say that again.

Your purpose is the foundation for your life.

Understand your purpose and strive to live according to that purpose, and you will live a more flourishing life.

When such different sources all agree, I think it's time to pay attention to me.

One of the most important benefits of purposefulness is that a strong sense of your purpose provides a foundation for making decisions.

When you're clear about your direction, choices become easier.

It's pretty simple really.

When faced with a choice, choose the alternative that better serves your purpose.

Take something as mundane as deciding how to spend a free Saturday afternoon without purpose.

You might endlessly go through the options.

Should I watch Netflix?

Spend some time on social media?

Run some errands?

Meet with friends and end up paralyzed by choice and defaulting to whatever's easiest.

But if your purpose involves, say, deepening meaningful relationships and contributing to your community, suddenly the choice becomes clearer.

You might choose volunteering or a local food bank over binge watching a series.

Of course, it's not always that straightforward.

Sometimes the path is not clear.

For example, should I spend time on this podcast or should I work on the book which better serves my purpose of helping others live successful, meaningful lives?

That's not clear.

The good news is that if which alternative best serves your purpose better isn't really clear, then you probably cannot make a bad choice.

When the path isn't clear, you're often making a choice among good alternatives, and that's not a bad place to be.

But even in complex situations, having a clear sense of purpose provides a framework for navigating the choices.

Instead of making decisions based on impulse, social pressure, or whatever feels good in the moment, you have criteria for evaluation.

This reduces decision fatigue and analysis paralysis.

Because you're not starting from scratch with every choice, you have a North Star to guide your deliberation.

There's another critical benefit to understanding your purpose.

It makes you more resilient.

The way this works is pretty interesting.

I can live my purpose Regardless of what I do for a living, there are very few plausible circumstances in which I cannot help others.

I did it as a business school dean.

I do it as a professor, an author, and a podcaster.

The possibilities for helping others live better lives is virtually endless.

To paraphrase the Stoic philosopher Seneca, no one is constrained to live under constraint.

On all sides lay many short and simple paths to freedom.

Even if circumstances change dramatically, you can still pursue your purpose.

The path changes, but the guiding light remains.

Okay, let's say you buy into all of this and you're sold on the idea that your purpose is your guiding light for flourishing.

Then the question becomes, how do you find your purpose?

I wish I could give you a five step process or something like that for discovering your purpose.

I really do.

But the truth is, finding your purpose is less like following a GPS and more like developing a taste for something you didn't know you were hungry for.

For me, it happened gradually.

I noticed patterns across different contexts.

Teaching, writing, mentoring.

Where I felt the most, I don't know, alive.

Not just happy, but aligned.

This first started to sink into me when I was writing monthly articles for the Flagstaff Business News.

I noticed a gradual transition from writing about leadership to writing about life.

And I started to realize that what really gave me Joy and a sense of satisfaction was doing things that helped others live the kind of life they wanted to live.

It was like I was doing what I was meant to do.

It took a few years before I could articulate it.

I help others live more intentional, meaningful lives, but I was living it long before I could name it.

That's how purpose often works.

You don't find it by staring at the ceiling, waiting for revelation.

There's no lightning bolt or parting of the clouds or anything like that for most of us.

You find your purpose by paying attention to the moments where your life feels the most coherent and the most you.

So here's what I've learned about discovering purpose.

First, reflection matters, but not in the way you might think.

You're not looking for that perfect insight that changes everything overnight.

You're looking for patterns.

When do you lose track of time?

When do you feel like you're contributing something that matters?

When does work not feel like work?

Just keep a running note on your phone or jot down some of these moments in a notebook.

Whatever works for you.

Over time, you'll find that themes emerge.

Second, explore broadly.

Your purpose might be hiding in something you have not tried yet.

Volunteer.

Learn something new.

Try something new.

Say yes to things that intrigue you, even if you can't articulate why.

Purpose often reveals itself through experience, not contemplation.

You need data points.

Third, try the deathbed test.

Imagine yourself at the end of your life, looking back with complete clarity.

What moments stand out?

What experiences brought both joy and deep meaning?

When you strip away the daily noise and social pressures, what actually mattered?

What were the times?

You connected authentically with others, contributed something meaningful, helped someone along in their journey.

Expressed who you really are.

Those moments of combined happiness and significance, their breadcrumbs leading towards your purpose.

Finally, give your purpose time and permission, I guess, to evolve.

Your purpose at 25 might look very differently from your purpose at 45.

Mine certainly did.

And that's fine.

You evolve, and so might your purpose.

Remember, it's not about finding the one perfect statement and etching it into stone.

It's about having a clear enough sense of direction to guide your life choices and and to ground your life.

The beautiful paradox here.

You do not need to have your purpose perfectly articulated to start living it.

In fact, living purposefully, making choices aligned with your emerging sense of meaning, often helps clarify what your purpose actually is.

The path and the discovery happen together.

Your purpose does not have to be grandiose.

It doesn't need to change the world or inspire millions.

It simply needs to be who you are and be meaningful enough to sustain you through life's inevitable challenges.

Whether it's raising thoughtful children, creating beautiful works of art, building community, serving others, or pursuing truth, the key is that it feels true and provides a steady North Star for your journey.

Here's one way to begin to uncover your purpose.

Start by having a running note in your phone or in a notebook throughout the day.

Pay attention to times when you felt aligned.

Not just happy, but like you were doing what you were meant to do.

Then when you feel this way, write it down.

I know I mentioned this earlier, but I think this is a really good way to begin.

Do this for a few weeks and then read back through your notes.

Look for patterns.

The commonalities you find aren't random.

They're pointing you towards your purpose.

Keep doing this, and over time, your purpose will reveal itself gradually but inevitably.

Remember Alice and the Cheshire Cat?

Alice's problems wasn't that she couldn't see her final destination clearly.

It's that she didn't care where she was going at all.

You don't need a perfect map of your entire life or a purpose statement that's etched into granite.

You need to know your direction.

You need a North Star that's clear enough to guide your next choice and and the one after that.

Like flourishing, finding your purpose is a journey, not a destination.

Your purpose will evolve as you do, deepening through experience and reflection.

But even a vague emerging sense of purpose is enough to guide you.

Your North Star doesn't have to be fully understood to help you navigate life.

It just needs to be visible enough to point you towards the life you want to live.

Until next time, keep seeking your purpose, my friends.

I produce live well and flourish because of my dedication to helping others live excellent lives.

I don't accept sponsorships and I don't want your money.

The only thing I want is to help you and others flourish.

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The best way to do that is to direct them to livewellandflourish.com until next time.